1. Magical Butts
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It never ceases to amaze me how people who would never dream of tossing litter out the window will, without a second thought, fling their cigarette butts indiscriminately, as if they'll magically disappear.


Magical Butts

I was sitting on the porch of my favorite café
Sipping strong coffee on a recent sunny day
The sounds of the neighborhood riding on the breeze
It was real pleasant.

There’s another guy sitting right across from me
He’s chain-smoking cigarettes 1-2-3-4
And every time he’d finish one he’d toss it
In the well-kept flower bed.
Near as I can figure
He must’ve had it in his head they’re…

Magical butts, magical butts
That vanish in thin air
Magical butts, magical butts
Like they were never really there
With a simple, supple flick of wrist
They disappear into the mist
No need to fuss, ‘cuz he’s/you’re smoking such
Fantastical magical butts

Well, I could see ‘em, you could see ‘em
Anyone with eyes could see ‘em
What’s the freakin’ deal with this dude
How could anybody be immune
To common courtesy and local litter laws
I mean, what’s up with that!?

So, as much as I hate to be the one to cause a stink
By butt number eleven it had brought me to the brink
So I casually got up and walked over to
The gentleman’s table and I spoke
In my most sarcastic tone
I said, “I guess the brand you smoke has…”

Well, he looked up from his paper and he looked me in the eye
Invited me to do things to myself I’d never try
Then a waitress and a busboy and some people walking by
See it all and start to point & laugh at butt magician guy
Then we all start to sing…

Magical butts, magical butts
Vanish in thin air
Magical butts, magical butts
Like they were never even there
Well there ain’t no magic, ain’t no spell
It’s just plain trash and it looks like hell
So don’t be a putz, ain’t nothin’ such as
Fantastical magical butts